I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
