Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
