Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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