So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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