And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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