Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
