His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
