I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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