my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
