He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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