2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
they're like a gay fantastic four
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
