we have officially lost it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
that is very illegal...i love you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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