he wants to bone in the snuggie
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
