the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
