I'm so fucking centered right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
