one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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