My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Help. Why am I so naked?
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