why didn't you poke me back
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
