When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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