You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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