hotel room ftw
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
