how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
