I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
