i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
