Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
