I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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