Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
