thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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