i just had sex bonerless
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
