drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
