Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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