I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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