We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
