It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
