captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
