remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
