i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We need to rekindle our bromance
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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