He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
