Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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