census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
