Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
