I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
