ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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