Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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