Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
