Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
