Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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