the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
