It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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