Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
