Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
